Spa Day Gone Wrong

Ok ya’ll. So today started off pretty normal. It is really cold here in Tennessee so I was not excited to go out and compete morning chores but its gotta be done. So today was clean the chicken coop day. A day I dont love. I always feel so gross after cleaning out that thing and I gag the entire time. Well I got it done in record time and was so proud of myself. And since it is freezing out I decided to treat myself and take a hot soak in the bath. You know I deserve it. It has been a long week and I was just in chicken and duck poop for an hour. So here I go dancing my way into the house singing in my head. Yep this is going to be fantastic. I am going to make a little spa day for myself. So as I get everything ready and set up my “spa” I am just giddy. I haven’t had a nice long soak in a long time. Being a typical female of course I have the water as hot as humanly possible. So the bath is going great. I am feeling relaxed and happy. So of course I have all the fantastic wonderfully smelling soaps. Ugh this is all I needed. Well I can’t seem to find my luffa. Where in the world is it. I search and search and cannot find it. Well crap. So I see a washcloth hanging and just decided to use that. So as I exfoliate and rub a dub scrub I start to smell something. I have placed the wonderful smelling soap on the cloth but as the soap washes off I can’t seem to shake this odor. It is so familiar to me but I just can’t place it. Now time for a side story. Most of you may not know this but I also have a potbelly pig named Clover. She is a mini and weighs about 15 lbs. She is very spoiled and gets baths when she comes in to hang out. Now I use a washcloth on her to get her nice and clean and I always keep that cloth separate. Well a few days previously I cleaned the bathroom and hung her cloth up with all intentions of putting it back. Well in my rush to find my luffa because I did not want to be out of the water I just grabbed a cloth.
So back to my story. As I sit there just scrubbing my entire body and thinking how great and refreshing this is. I notice this odor. I know this odor. This smells like Clover. OMG. I have grabbed the pigs washcloth. OMG I have been scrubbing my body with this cloth. I can’t breathe. I wash that pigs butt with this cloth. The PIGS butt. Now I am in full freak out mode. As I jump up I knock everything into the bathtub. Why in heck do I have 20 bottles in this bathtub what am I Walmart. Im having to dodge and weave through bath supplies as I choke on pig butt. I am panicking trying to figure out what to do. I need to get this cleaned off my body. I mean do I need to call the CDC. Am i going to die. Oh crap I am going to get and infection. My gag reflex has now kicked in. The pigs butt. It’s in my mouth. My eyes. I’m going to go blind. Why did I have to get all the same color washcloths. I wanted to be like Martha Stewart. I AM not Martha Stewart. I did not need to match. This is just horrible. I realize I need to rewash NOW. So I reach for the nozzle like I’m on fire. Trying to turn on the shower. Screaming puking and crying. I washed my arms and face. I will need to go to the ER. What do I tell them. I have pig butt all over my body. I have a disease. Just get it off me. That’s all my brain will allow. So as I turn on the water. Holy crap. Its freezing. I have been sitting in hot lava and now I’m getting frost bite. Why oh why did I use all the hot water. I’m freaking out. I even think I peed on myself. I’m going to need an antibiotic. So what can I use. What will help. Antibacterial hand soap. So I fling myself out of the shower to the sink and grab the hand soap. And back into the frozen tundra now known as my shower. At this point i can’t stop shaking. I’m not sure if it from the freezing water or the shock i have pig crap all over me. So as i literally use the antibacterial soap all over me hoping this helps and screaming everytime i have to enter the freezing water I am rushing at warp 1000. A final rinse and I jump out. I am now wrapped in a towel on the bathroom floor contemplating what just happened. I am pretty sure I am in shock. I’m just going to sit here and rock and console myself for a while.
Going to get different color washcloths once I recover. I’m getting every color they have.
That relaxing bath did not go as I intended.

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