Nothing But A Hair Piece

So this is totally my fault!I have two chicken coops. I have one large one that all of the larger chickens go into and I have a smaller one that the bantams and smaller chickens go into.So with this next part I am going to be totally honest. So on the smaller coop I am going to try to explain it visually with my words. So it is about 7 ft long and maybe 4 ft wide. So it is longer than it is wide. On the left side of the coop is the actual house. It is completely enclosed with doors on the front I can open. On the right side is a roost. Now the house and roost are about 3 ft off the ground and the entire coop is covered in chicken wire except the main house part since that is all wood. There are wooden stairs that go from the ground to the house for them to enter into.Holy crap. I have no idea if you all can visualize this. Sounds like I am describing a crazy chicken prison. I am only missing the barbed wire. It’s really not that bad. Wait. This is just too much. I am going to take a picture to attach with this. I’ll be right back. Ok. See attached picture. I think it is very important for ya’ll to see this.So every night I go up and make sure everyone is put to bed for the night. Now I am in Tennessee. And if any of you check the weather it has been raining FOREVER here. I am changing my name and building an ark. But let me just say I am NOT bringing stick bugs with me. Those little monsters. Not happening. Ok back to me getting my butt kicked by a chicken. So being 100% honest the stairs had fallen off months ago. And for whatever reason I just placed them back up on the house and just kinda propped them there. I know I know a few screws Mandy and Boom fixed. But I never have the screws and drill up there at the same time. And I am lazy and will have to squat and bend over to fix them. Ya’ll I am very accident prone. Just in case you have not figured this out yet. I am laughing out loud while writing this.Oh you all know this very well! And I have just been putting this minor repair off. TRUST me very very bad decision.So everyone is put to bed. And this is the final coop to close up. So I have two chickens that are on the roost. These are the two rebels that do not go inside unless it is arctic freezing outside. And then it turns into a shoving match between me and them. Me trying to shove them inside so they don’t freeze into chicken Popsicle and for them to jump around over and under to get away from me. I have already been outside for about 10/15 minutes by now in the rain putting everyone else away. I am started to get pretty saturated. Umbrella you say! Ya no. That is not happening. The wind will just fight me for it and that is one battle I do not have in me tonight.So as I go to close the rebel coop up I notice the stupid stairs are on the ground. AGAIN. So I go ahead and bend over and scooch down to pick up the stairs and lean them back up so they can walk into the coop if they want. At this time they are on the roost. So Right as I get my hands on the stairs the rebel chickens spook and start flipping out. For real! They know me. No stranger danger here.Well of course I have had to get half of my body into the coop bent over and of course my friggin head is part of this scenario. When all of the sudden this crazy chicken in her panic to get away from me. I was not even going for you jerk! Flapping around she gets her claw/foot caught in my hair. FOR HEAVEN’S SAKES. My hair. Are you kidding me. I’m screaming the chicken is screaming because she thinks my hair is some sort of death net. I am screaming because her claws are sharp. If you haven’t looked at a chicken foot do IT now. It’s a weapon. A weapon I tell you. I am full on trying to fight this chicken. I do not want her to claw my face with her foot weapons. They scratch their poop ya’ll. They scratch everything with that weapon she is dangerously close to my face. I will get an infection. I am trying to grab her without totally killing her or damaging her wings, trying to back out of the coop soakin wet and sliding in the mud. And I swear to god. If she poops in my face that’s it! I mean it! I will eat her! So now she is hanging upside down from my hair that is attached to my head pulling it out. I grab her and back out of the coop.Do you have any idea how many times I just stand in a spot and just shake my head. Alot ya’ll ALOT!. And this is another one of those moments.I pry her foot weapons from my hair which is wet. So it’s not the easiest task. In the rain in the mud in the dark. I get her out of my hair and I literally throw her back in the coop. I don’t care call PETA. They can have her.And the stupid stairs are still on the ground. Tough! Jump if you want in.Don’t mind me as I swim back to my house. I’m going to take a shower!

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