It’s A Crime Scene

All I can say is farm life keeps me on my toes! So do you know those crazy people who go to the grocery store and absolutely will only make one trip. I mean the crazy people who will risk amputation to limbs due to lack of blood supply from carrying 47 bags. Well my name is Mandy and Yes, I am one of those crazies. And this unfortunately plays a role in what happened next!So for two months it has rained here in Tennessee. I am not talking sprinkling. No I am talking full on Noah’s Ark rain. Forrest Gump rain. With no end in site. I now dress for work to match my floaties! I don’t even remember what regular shoes feel like. Rain and mud boots are my permanent attire. But today! Oh today, something magical happened. The sun came out. Oh the sun. How I missed your beautiful warmth. Never leave me again. I even had a short conversation with the sun. I pleaded with her to stop fighting with winter over custody! I choose you! So since we had a break from the rain. And I can’t believe it, it is 50 degrees outside. I am so excited! I have so many projects I am going to tackle.  I even made a list. With all my giddiness I am afraid I might forgot, so I better write it down. So back in October yes I said October. I started painting my chicken coops. We built a barn over the summer and I wanted all the coops to match. The barn is bright RED.  If you go to my Instagram page Heart N Soil. You can see the barn that almost killed us over the summer. So I am getting all of my supplies ready. I get the paint. And I open the lid that way I do not have to do it up at the coop. I get my brushes and paint tray. I also remember I need to add some wood chip shaving to the big coop. During the winter OK wait, We have not had much of a winter in Tennessee so now I am saying during the Monsoon season. I do the deep bed method in my coops. So I go ahead and grab the mulch! This should be interesting. So here I go carrying way too many things but refusing to make more than one trip. I mean I am acting like I am climbing Mt.Everest and not returning for months. And I am just walking to the back yard. Boy or Boy will I ever learn. That is still to be determined. Like I said earlier. I would rather lose blood flow than make two trips. As I am walking up to the coop I am in just pure joy mode! The sun is out! The sky is blue. Oh what a beautiful day. I am humming a little tune in my head. I just love this day! I feel fantastic! Nothing can shake my mood! I am going to be so productive today! Just trucking along with a pep in my step. Ok so not so much a pep as a heavy drag walk, everything I have in my hands is really starting to get heavy. But I got this! I am so close to the coop. Just a little further. Power through girl. use those muscles. And as I go to step over our premier one electric fence. BAM! Holy mother of GOD. In my excitement to start this beautiful day and in my rush, I have forgotten the most important thing! I did not turn off the fence. Now let me just say. Have you ever been zapped between the legs. The pain. I have one leg over and was getting ready to pull the other leg and BOOM shocked to the very core of my soul. I am trying desperately to get my butt of this fence. And to get the shocks from penetrating my body. And to stop peeing on myself. And of course with everything in my hands and not being balanced down I go. The fence is caught on my thigh. I am now crawling to get away. Everything has gone flying. I am on my knees at this point still shaking from the repeated shocks to my nether areas! Oh God. I think I broke it. Is it supposed to still be pulsating. As I crawl to safety I now realize the damage that has insured. As I look up from my half kneed fetal position ya’ll it looks like a scene from CSI or Dexter! That red paint that  I decided was a good idea to open back at the house YEP! not smart. Has dumped and spattered all over the place. What did I do! And of course here comes the little Velociraptor chickens. Now I am in full panic mode. Still unable to stand up straight I am lunging, kicking, screaming. I am pulling out the best ninja moves I can come up with to keep these nosey birdzillas from getting into the paint. This is not happening! So NOW I am literally scratching  at the ground with my hands trying desperately to get  as much paint as I can either back into the can or paint tray. I do not know if it is toxic to my birds and I am not interested in finding out. So here I am on my hands and knees scratching and scraping the ground getting the occasional jolt to my body. Kicking and yelling at the chickens to stay away, and do they listen! No of course not. It’s like they are trying even harder to get to the paint. I even threw the wood chips at them! Stay away! I am trying to make sure you do not get poisoned. These frickin birds want to die! They are ganging up on me. Testing my weak spots. I am out numbered. I get as much paint as I can. I mean I have dug into the dirt a good inch. And I run to get the sand we keep in the coop to cover the rest. Seriously I was gone for 20 seconds! 20 Seconds! As I sprint back to the scene of the crime of course several have red paint on there feet. I throw the sand over what is left and now I am chasing these suckers around trying to catch them to get the paint off of them. I swear chickens can run. I am out of breath covered in paint It looks like I just committed a murder and as I look down at my hands I have chicken and duck poop all over me and in my fingernails. That’s it! That was the straw. I stop my pursuit of the chickens. They will just have to have pretty red feet! I am done! Now as I limp to the house out of breath covered in red paint and chicken poop I am going to the shower. No more projects for me today! I need to go check my legs for electric shock marks! All I can say is my mood has now changed.And I have to get new paint. 


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