There Is An Intruder

So there is an intruder on our property. Now let me start off by saying I am brave. I am. I know you can hear the small doubt in my voice but it’s true I am brave. I can save kittens stuck under the bed. I can save a butterfly that fell into a pool. I am brave with those types of things. Now much else and well let’s just say you might want to call someone else for your safety. I might run away. I mean I will try to throw something as I am running away. So yes there is that. So now that that is settled and we all understand. I can continue. So we have a small farm. We have ducks, chickens, pigs, and a bunny named Templeton. And I really love my animals. I have chased away a stray cat or two. And I even had to run off a dog before. My property is really secure. We spent four months building a 6ft privacy fence around the entire back yard to make sure it was safe from predators. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. To this day there are several body parts that don’t work correctly and others have just given up. There are times I will be doing something, anything you know just whatever and all of the sudden my hand just stops. Like really. I guess it’s not over the trauma of using the rock buster thing that tried to take me out many times. It thinks I don’t know. Yeah! I see you. Definitely not a team player.  We have SO many rocks. It was ridiculous. And the abuse from the hammer of death. That thing could not hit a thing other that my own stinking hand. And obviously that has not been forgotten. I seriously have to give body parts pep talks every morning. I am like ok leg, I know your tired and sore, we are all buddy. But you got this. And arm, Arm you can do it. Just stretch it out. My back yes that stubborn thing just does not listen. We are constantly arguing. I am like ok I am picking up this bag of feed and its like OH no your not Susan. Ok Back My name is Mandy not Susan no need to get an attitude. I will be walking and my legs with start to do that death rattle. You know when they start to shake and you are not sure if you are going to run, fall, or pee all over. I just sit down and once again. Give them a talking too. My body always tries to mess with me. I am at the point I even try dickering with it. Like ok. Lets get all the chores completed with me in a upright standing position. And I will give you a bubble bath. Now that works some days. But not always. I am just saying the older I am getting the more I seem to have to have these therapy sessions with my own sticking body parts. I thought they were MINE and they would do what I told them to do. Umm. Yep that joke was on me. If they don’t want too it ain’t happening. So anyway I know I went off on a tangent just then, but really what else do you have to do. We are all kinda stuck. So ramble is what ya got! Now back to what happened. If any of you follow our lives or my other adventures and you can see those at my Instagram page Heart N Soil Farm you will know that Rob (hubby) and I work schedules that cross each other. So he goes to bed way earlier than I do. So I had just finished cleaning the kitchen. MY daughter was at work  and was due home in about an hour. It was around 7:45PM so it was dark but had just a little very little light so that you could kinda still see. Rob was in bed sleeping. And as I am just giving the counter a final wipe down. I happen to glace up and look out my kitchen window. Wait. What is that. Is something up near the animals? I am leaning in stepping on my tip toes trying to get a good look. Is that a person? Holy Crap. I think that is a person. How did they get into they yard? All the gates are locked. Did they jump the fence. And just GREAT I still have to put the animals away. What do I do. I really do not want to wake up hubby. He has to go to work in just a few hours. I look out the window again. OMG GUYS it just moved! Yep Someone is up there. I saw movement. Do I call 911. No. Not yet. Do I just shoot at them! Really Mandy who are you Wild Earp. Like a gun slinging farmer in Leggings. And pink chicken farm boots. OK Let me think this through. I have to go up there. I mean they are trespassing. Maybe if I just stick my head out the door and yell. That might shoo them away. So here I go. I open the back door step out and yell ” You better get out of here. I have a gun.” Now time has passed and it is now dark. And I cannot see anything really. Now if I go up there I do have motion lights that will kick on. But that means I HAVE to go up there. And I did not see any rush of movement or anyone jumping over the fence. So now what! Ok I have another plan. So we have a 150 lbs Alaskan Husky/Malamute. So I am taking him with me. We are going to protect our property! I go and get changed all in black. I am going to be a ninja in hiding and creep up on this intruder. I am stealth. I get my phone, in case I do have to call for back-up. I do bring my 9mm but it is safety in its holster. Just in case. I have my flashlight. Ok time to approach the intruder. I grab the dog. And this makes me feel a little bit safer. This dog better do his job. I am just following him. He better eat whoever is up there. I am not even off the porch and I am jumpy. Let’s go Nanook (my dogs name) we got this. So we step into the yard. And this dog! I am doomed the very 1st thing he needs to a pee break. Like really Nanook we are on a dangerous mission. Ok. Well No Problem I will just wait. While the killer is just standing up there watching us. Are you done! Can we continue. So we start up on the side. I am trying to listen. But I can’t hear anything that sounds out of place other than my labored heavy panic breathing and my heart beating out of my chest and the stinking dog smelling everything we walk by. He is even taking breaks. He is so fired after this. I thought I saw the intruder on the right side of the barn. I am creeping up on the left side. Just as I pass the left side the motion lights kick on. This makes me instantly feel better I can see. Still no movement nothing darting away. Something is not right. I know for 100% I saw a figure. But why is it not running away. OMG it might really want to kill me. And here is this dog not a care in the world. Some protector. I am actually shaking a bit now. My hands are getting clammy. I get around to the other side of the bard and I see something move. I STOP dead in my tracks. It’s like a stand off. I cannot even speak yet. I have a bit of fright stuck in my throat. And all of the sudden the dog without a care in the world playing with leaves, darts over there. And is just running around it. Once again just smelling. But nothing moving. What is going on? I turn on my flashlight since the spot light is not really shining over there very well. And I start walking slowly over toward the dog. And for the love of god as I get closer. Do you know who it is! I am just telling you now I said about 300 very choice words. I mean I conquered my fear, dressed like an assassin ninja and brought my killer dog all of this and for  what…… A stinking scarecrow. Who in the hell put a scarecrow up here. And did not even tell me. I am so mad right now. I bet it was Rob. So not funny. Oh wait until he wakes up. This thing is coming with me. Yep. When hubby walks into the kitchen in a few hours get get his coffee and get ready for work as I am sleeping in bed. Mr. Scarecrow is going to be there in the kitchen to greet him. I bet he screams!


2 thoughts on “There Is An Intruder

  1. Oh my word! Am laughing so hard right now. As soon as I can catch my breath I will thank you for another wonderful story. You sure are a bright spot in my day!!! Please keep writing, you really have a strong talent for it.


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