Like many of you. I enjoy scrolling FB and seeing others comments and tricks or hacks that are offered up. And of course if it’s on FB it must be true right!
So I was on one of the Homesteading sites and I see someone ask about bug bites and what others do to prevent them from eating you alive. So yes off to the comments I go. I myself would love to know the answer. Yes I need to know this also. Help me too. I am here to accept your knowledge and wisdom social media. And I see a recurring comment. Peppermint. OK. No further info given. Just peppermint. Now I am not an essential oil person. Love the smells just have not tapped into those yet. So not a lot of knowledge in that field.
Off to the store I go! I am so excited. I run to the isle. Running toward that lovely bottle that is going to free me from the daily ninja swatting and slapping battle that occurs. Dodging and weaving as they dive bomb your head. I have found the solution! I am saved.I take my sacred treasure home. And this is just in time for dinner chores. I crack open that bottle and my goodness that smell just slaps you in the face. But I like it! That is the smell of victory.
Now I want to make sure I put enough on. So I just shake the drops into my hands and lather down my legs and arms. And since the monsters also like to swarm my head I put it all around my neck and run my hands through my hair.Done! I am satisfied I am completely covered in this miracle oil.
Ya’ll I am walking toward the chicken coop feeling like Harry Potter when he slipped on the invisibility cloak. So for those who do not understand that reference. Really! Who doesn’t know Potter. Anyway I’m like the Star Ship Enterprise. Shields up Scotty. Protected! Unseen by all bugs! Cocky even.
I am done being Creme DeLa Buffet.I seriously feel like an all you can eat buffet. And these stinking things know they are getting the good stuff with me. Yes I eat healthy Kinda, most days,sorta, but they are also getting those chocolate chips cookies from earlier and maybe that Captain Crunch from breakfast. I mean who doesn’t love the Capt. right? No beet juice here.
So here I am about halfway to the coop being all invisible and all. When the tingling sensation starts. At first I am like oh yeah! This is nice.
Now here in Tennessee the summers are unforgiving. It is 96 with humidity of 1 million percent. You go outside and as you step drag your legs, I really think we might melt a little it’s instant saturation. Nope, it’s not rain that is sweat fleeing my body.As I was saying. It was lovely. It had this fantastic cooling effect. And made you feel like a wonderful spring day. So cool So minty Fresh!
The cooling effect started to intensify. Slowly at first. I had to stop to feel it. I mean have you ever had to do that. I literally stopped mid stride. Like is this good or bad. I was not sure which way to teater. Now it started to get warmer. What! Is it so cold it is feeling warm I was still unsure.
Now several mistakes were made in the next few moments of my life.
In a moment of uncertainty I decided I would try wiping it off with my hands. My neck was quickly turning into a burning sensation. Yeah for sure no more cooling. It is starting to burn and hurt. I mean really hurt. Holy crap, am I on fire? My head is starting to burn. My legs and arms as far as I can tell we’re not burning just my entire frigging head. I was sweating and it is dripping down my face. So what do I do. Dear mother of all that is not good. I wipe my face. And in doing so transferred the peppermint oil to my face and eyes. The fumes. Oh God. They are choking me. The minty menthol is overwhelming. I can’t breath.
I am now stumbling toward the house. I am on fire, blind and my only thoughts are get this killer Peppermint off me now. Of all the things I have done I am going to be maimed and blinded by an essential oil. Are you kidding me!I rush to the sink and half dive crawl under the faucet. Yelling, screaming full on freak out mode. Grabbing dish towels scrubbing the deceitful fire oil off my burning flesh.
Ten minutes later after the great battle of peppermint oil has been semi won. I sit on the kitchen floor under the sink which is now doubling as an indoor pool. Soaking wet dish towel in my hand pondering what in the heck just happened. My neck and head are still sensitive and slightly burning, eyes are still stinging and watery but I can see.I just sit there.
And then I noticed something.
I did not have any bug bites.
This strikes me so funny that I start laughing. Laughing so hard you know those good belly laughs. So loud and obnoxious. And you just can’t stop. Yep, that’s me full of hysterics.
I’m burnt but not bit.
So I came to a conclusion.
Peppermint oil is evil. It tried setting me on fire. Do not place on sensitive areas like lets say your HEAD!
And my new name I have learned I must accept is Mandy Buffet!