Holy Crap my car just tried to kill me. Seriously.

So as many of you know I have a small farm. We have chickens, ducks, pigs, and of course a bunny named Templeton. We also just started our meat chickens for this year.

Now, I want to take a small detour to set this up! Our farm is not at the level of being able to fully sustain us financially so I also work a full time job. We are hoping to attain this goal. But only time will tell if this becomes a reality. Fingers crossed.

I am on my way home from work. I have to make a stop at our local Co-Op to pick up wood shavings. I have the exciting chore of cleaning the stinking (literally) chicken coop when I get home.

I am happy to report that purchase went off without a hitch. Grabbed the shavings threw them in the back seat of the car and off I went zooming home. Now when I drive I am one of those crazy people you see sitting next to you at the light dancing and singing my little heart out! Yep! That’s me. Wave next time. I wave back. Or just dance with me! I am all about a good 2 minute dance off at the light. And yes I must admit to ya’ll. I love me some 80’s music. The rhythm is gonna get you, well at least me. lol.

So I am singing and jammin on my way home. Well, I noticed that my seat was back just a smidgen further than normal. My daughter must have been in my car! Let me just say. I do not have a fancy car. Nope. My seat does not have a fancy button that slowly guides you wherever your butt would like to go.Like a cushion of floating air. I have that lever in front of my seat that you have to pull and use leg power to move back and forth.

Now I might have been driving a bit faster than what I am allowed too. And as I went to move my seat forward, and remember that I just needed to go forward a little bit. Remember the shavings the ones I threw into the back seat the ones I bought without any issue. Unknown to me they have slid onto the floor as I hit the brake to slow down and in doing this my seat was flung like a slingshot into the steering wheel. What In God’s name Just Happened. I am thinking my seat has malfunctioned.

My right arm is slightly pinned still under my seat on the lever. My boobs are crushed into the steering wheel. I mean full on boob lift going on! Thank god my foot is on the break. So I am able to guide the car to the side of the road. I mean I am full on pretzel right now. I might need to call for help. I keep trying to push the seat back. But the stupid thing will not move! And I have NO idea why. At this point I am still unaware that there is a huge bag of shavings preventing the seat from moving back.

I am sitting there starting to get really mad. I am pushing with all my might trying to get this stupid seat back. At this point I am hot and sweaty. My boobs are actually hurting. I must save the ladies! My legs are all squished up, my knees are hitting the console. What do I do. I can’t believe I trapped myself in my own car. I am able to get my right hand up and I put the car in park. Ok think Mandy.

Do I call 911. OMG. I can’t believe this. I mean what would I say. Me: Yeah, Hi I am smashed into my steering wheel. Dispatch: Were you in an accident? Me: Nope. Just tried to move my seat up. They record those calls. No way! Not calling. Ok think……………..

Alright. So I open my door. I am just going to crawl out of the car. Now remember that whole on my way home from work. Yep still in my work clothes and I am wearing a dress. Why oh why did I have to look cute today! So here I go. I am like one of those little sausages you get in that can. You know the ones you peel off the top. Only difference no lube! My legs are pinned and I cannot get my leg out I try but not happening. It hurts my knee. So I take my butt and start to twist, wiggle,jiggle it toward the door. I am using my right hand to push me out and my left hand is on the door pulling. I can only imagine. And by the way. Cars are just passing my by. If they only knew I was there in my sausage can of a car trying to escape. The show they would get to see for free. But NOPE. Zoom Zoom suckers. So I get my butt out. Dress Up for all the world to see the goods. Pull my legs out. I am on the ground at this point. I stand up. Straighten myself up. And at this point I am able to see the shavings. Let me just say. I said some very CHOICE words to that bag! Yes I did. I grabbed the bag and yes I was very rough with it. And moved it to the other side of the car. I cannot even look at it. I move the death seat back to it’s upright and original non-death trap position. Check on the ladies. Check on my knees.

After a few more choice words I get back into the car. I no longer like this car.

And when I get home I am going to enjoy ripping the bag of shavings open. I will show you who is boss! Just wait.