The Shavings Are Out To Get ME

Holy Crap my car just tried to kill me. Seriously.

So as many of you know I have a small farm. We have chickens, ducks, pigs, and of course a bunny named Templeton. We also just started our meat chickens for this year.

Now, I want to take a small detour to set this up! Our farm is not at the level of being able to fully sustain us financially so I also work a full time job. We are hoping to attain this goal. But only time will tell if this becomes a reality. Fingers crossed.

I am on my way home from work. I have to make a stop at our local Co-Op to pick up wood shavings. I have the exciting chore of cleaning the stinking (literally) chicken coop when I get home.

I am happy to report that purchase went off without a hitch. Grabbed the shavings threw them in the back seat of the car and off I went zooming home. Now when I drive I am one of those crazy people you see sitting next to you at the light dancing and singing my little heart out! Yep! That’s me. Wave next time. I wave back. Or just dance with me! I am all about a good 2 minute dance off at the light. And yes I must admit to ya’ll. I love me some 80’s music. The rhythm is gonna get you, well at least me. lol.

So I am singing and jammin on my way home. Well, I noticed that my seat was back just a smidgen further than normal. My daughter must have been in my car! Let me just say. I do not have a fancy car. Nope. My seat does not have a fancy button that slowly guides you wherever your butt would like to go.Like a cushion of floating air. I have that lever in front of my seat that you have to pull and use leg power to move back and forth.

Now I might have been driving a bit faster than what I am allowed too. And as I went to move my seat forward, and remember that I just needed to go forward a little bit. Remember the shavings the ones I threw into the back seat the ones I bought without any issue. Unknown to me they have slid onto the floor as I hit the brake to slow down and in doing this my seat was flung like a slingshot into the steering wheel. What In God’s name Just Happened. I am thinking my seat has malfunctioned.

My right arm is slightly pinned still under my seat on the lever. My boobs are crushed into the steering wheel. I mean full on boob lift going on! Thank god my foot is on the break. So I am able to guide the car to the side of the road. I mean I am full on pretzel right now. I might need to call for help. I keep trying to push the seat back. But the stupid thing will not move! And I have NO idea why. At this point I am still unaware that there is a huge bag of shavings preventing the seat from moving back.

I am sitting there starting to get really mad. I am pushing with all my might trying to get this stupid seat back. At this point I am hot and sweaty. My boobs are actually hurting. I must save the ladies! My legs are all squished up, my knees are hitting the console. What do I do. I can’t believe I trapped myself in my own car. I am able to get my right hand up and I put the car in park. Ok think Mandy.

Do I call 911. OMG. I can’t believe this. I mean what would I say. Me: Yeah, Hi I am smashed into my steering wheel. Dispatch: Were you in an accident? Me: Nope. Just tried to move my seat up. They record those calls. No way! Not calling. Ok think……………..

Alright. So I open my door. I am just going to crawl out of the car. Now remember that whole on my way home from work. Yep still in my work clothes and I am wearing a dress. Why oh why did I have to look cute today! So here I go. I am like one of those little sausages you get in that can. You know the ones you peel off the top. Only difference no lube! My legs are pinned and I cannot get my leg out I try but not happening. It hurts my knee. So I take my butt and start to twist, wiggle,jiggle it toward the door. I am using my right hand to push me out and my left hand is on the door pulling. I can only imagine. And by the way. Cars are just passing my by. If they only knew I was there in my sausage can of a car trying to escape. The show they would get to see for free. But NOPE. Zoom Zoom suckers. So I get my butt out. Dress Up for all the world to see the goods. Pull my legs out. I am on the ground at this point. I stand up. Straighten myself up. And at this point I am able to see the shavings. Let me just say. I said some very CHOICE words to that bag! Yes I did. I grabbed the bag and yes I was very rough with it. And moved it to the other side of the car. I cannot even look at it. I move the death seat back to it’s upright and original non-death trap position. Check on the ladies. Check on my knees.

After a few more choice words I get back into the car. I no longer like this car.

And when I get home I am going to enjoy ripping the bag of shavings open. I will show you who is boss! Just wait.

That Hurt!

Well that sucked. Went up to the coop this morning for morning chores. Well over night everything froze. On my way back to the house I fell slipped on ice and hurt well my everything. Yep my name is not Grace. Thank goodness I had on my housecoat as I lay in I am sure a ton of chicken and duck poop contemplating how injured I was. And trying to figure out if I peed on myself. There was a glimmer of hope the chickens came to check on me. Running full speed. I was so happy. My girls were coming to check on me. NOPE. They only wanted to see what I dropped and to see if there was anything they could scavenge from me as I lay there. One even stepped over my cold injured body as I lay there. All I can say is I am too old to be falling let alone into the frozen ground. Don’t mind me as I drag my injured poop covered self inside. This is not my day.