Ok my Friends. Have you ever just had a moment. I mean one of those moments where you just stand there shaking your head asking yourself what just happened. Well get ready because this was my moment. 

Today started out like any other day on my homestead. Feeding the little dinosaurs (chickens) and my meat bricks (pigs). I am in peak planting season here. Starting lots of veggies and flowers. I am so happy to say my greenhouse is booming with life. So everything has gone smoothly. For way to long! I should have know better. 

Now let me just back up for a moment and set the stage. 

So I have new neighbors that just moved it. They literally are still currently moving boxes into the house. I have not meet them yet. Our interaction has consisted of the neighborly head nod and smile. I can tell she is an older lady whom seems very pleasant thus far with maybe 4 to 5 grown adult children. I am guessing the relation because of course we have not meet officially yet. So now that I have covered that we can continue. 

In the front of my property safe from the chickens I had around 10 very large soil bags that I had used for temporary garden beds. I planted so many veggie starts that grew so fast I needed to place them somewhere until I had time to place them in the ground. And this was my temporary solution. And let me just say in regards to the soil bags they worked Amazing.  The plants thrived! 

Now it is about 90 degrees today. I have been outside for hours. Their are maybe 10 people over at the neighbors house all helping move in. Chipper happy, had no idea I was about to change their day.  They are able to see me clearly working in the front due to me not having that area fenced in. This might change after this! I may just move. All still to be determined. 

So here I am be-bopping around. Being a happy little gardener. So very proud that my idea has worked and been successful. The veggie starts are looking amazing and growing wonderfully. 

In moving these, What I am having to do is pick up each bag and carry it over about 15 feet to the garden plot that has been set up. Ya’ll these bags are heavy. I mean saturated with growth and veggies.  And I’m slick with sweat so with each bag it is getting a bit harder and heavier to move. But I am hard headed and have my mind set that I will get all of these planted into their new home today. 

Now I consider myself a tough girl. I try not to be squimish in regards to many things. I mean if you work and raise farm animals you have to get a tough skin. BUT there are a few things that still get me. Your about to meet one.

As I go to move another soil bag I am unable to carry it with only my hands like I have been doing. I mean this is like the 7th bag. I am getting a bit weak so I place it on my forearms for better control. Now 

NOTE I am walking toward my neighbor direction at this time that is where the new garden space is. And as I get about 1/2 way there I feel something on my arm. Honestly for the first 20 seconds I do not give it any thought. At this time I am thinking it is my sweat and dirt on my arm rubbing and dripping off. 

I was so very wrong. Like crazy wrong. I start to feel movement like lots of movement. LOTS. Oh my goodness. Freak out mode activated.  I can’t make it to the garden plot. Something is on me. Crawling and moving all over my arms. I am starting to panic. 

Side Note: I am not a fan of creepy crawlers. But we have a understanding. I will respect there space and they do not touch me. Now if this happens I try to remain calm and in doing this I say this little chant :don’t freak out” over and over again until the situation is resolved. 

So here I am carrying this soil bag and having a bit of a meltdown so what do I do? I drop the bag. The movement and crawling had become to much. I can’t think of anything except get this off of me. And what is it? I mean seriously what is it?

I am thinking calm down Mandy. It is just a rolly polly. I had seen so many. But my deep insides knew better, This was no stinking rolly polly. 

As I drop the bag I realize I am doing my chant “dont freak out” over and over. Trying to keep myself calm. 

And as I drop the bag. Holy Crap maggots. MAGGOTS are crawling, rolling, flipping living on my arm. The chanting has not worked. I am full on freaking out. Screaming. Cussing yelling for help. I am covered. I try to wipe them off with my gloves but that just smooshes them into my arm and now my glove is covered with these little meaty bits. All I can think of is get them off of me. I mean do they bite? I have no idea. But in my mind they are going to bite me. There are 100’s of them. Everywhere. 

Without even thinking I rip my t-shirt off and start using it as a towel and weapon to get these little moving rice pieces off of me. I start running toward my porch and once I get there and stop to access my arm. They are definitely not coming in my house. I throw my t-shirt on the ground just standing there sweating covered in dirt. and meat pieces I may have cried a bit. And completely out of breath due to my recent escape from assignation. And let me just say this was not one of those slow motion Baywatch moments. Oh no. This was an utter disaster. As I am placing one of my boobs back into it proper and upright position back into my bra I look up. 

Ya’ll Oh Ya’ll. The looks on those poor people’s faces. As I take a moment to look at each bi-stander so innocent I really do not know what to say. Or what to do. I am still freaking out in my head and needing to go properly disinfect my maggot arm. So all I say is… Maggots. and I turn around and walk inside. 

So I can now say I have meet the neighbors. They seem nice ya’ll. lol. Nothing like first impressions. So if they move out tomorrow. I completely understand. 

But for now. Time for a shower. No more moving soil bags for today!

PS: Just to let everyone who reads my stories know. I just love ya’ll. I am feeling all creepy crawling writing this So this is for you! 

If I say today was just like any other day that would be a tremendous understatement. Today just plain sucked. From beginning to saturated end. Now I am not complaining about the heat. But summer has finally shown her big bright steamy suck the life from your soul beautiful head. And I think it just might be trying to kill me. The humidity this year!Doing the smallest chore or task on our little farm really takes effort. I am being serious. I have to talk myself into going out there. And I have to offer myself little treats and rewards.Like Ok Mandy go and clean the chicken coop and then you can have ice cream and tequila. The latter part is normally the motivator. So as many may know I have chickens, ducks, and a turkey named Bernard. I pick up my feed for my flock at my local co-op. Those bags weigh about 50 lbs. So for me, Yeah those suckers are a bit heavy. Now just to give you all perspective. We have built a feeder out of a 50 gallon Rubbermaid trash can with angled PVC pipe around the bottom. If you want to see a picture of this poultry feeder you can go check out my Instagram heart n soil farm. The feeder has a snap on lid which makes it easier to fill. And can hold almost 3 bags of feed. I feed my velociraptors a mixture of scratch grain and layer pellets. So as I stated before, today was one of those days where everything I did just either had an issue or took way longer to complete than I expected. We have finally completed moving the pig pen to its new location so that we can complete our greenhouse. And that has been very laborious. So I am officially wiped out. One of the final things that I had to accomplish today was filling up the feeder.  This is something I have done maybe a million times give or take a few hundred thousand. So here I am hot sweaty and a bit cranky.Not thinking of anything other than feed and flee. So I am on a mission. Eyes forward no distraction. Complete the mission.  I am hiking this 50 lb bag to the feeder. Now I have the feeder elevated a bit off the ground to make it more accessible to the chickens. I have a system when I have to fill this thing. I pull and remove the draw string. And lift it onto my shoulder. Boom feed empties easily into the feeder. Now when the little monsters see me coming with the feed bags they become noisier than your neighbors. You know Karen that lives three houses down. Oh Karen. As we say here in the south Bless Your Heart! I’m a Karen LOL. So anyway back to the Karens. And by the way that is the name of my chickens. Yep all of them. They are all Karen. Anyway back to my disaster. So I have several different breeds of chickens. I have large layers, rare breeds, and silkies. So depending on who is around me I keep a watchful eye on where I walk. The silkies. My poor blind beautiful birds. They just can’t help it. They don’t move out of the way quickly.So here I am dodging nosey and half blind chickens as I make my way to the feeder. I am huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf. So I make it up to the feeder. Set the bag down. Remove the drawstring. Give it a big Ol heave Ho onto my shoulder and flip the lid off to start to fill. As I flip the lid. Dear Sweet Baby Jesus. Something FAST and FURRY has flung itself at me. I think it was screaming. What in the Heck! At this point I have no idea what it is. All I know is I am screaming, backing away and remembering the chickens. Not wanting to stomp or trample them trying to see where I can safely flee. Losing my footing I trip over the swimming pool ( I have several kiddie pools for the ducks) and land butt first into the water. At this point I think I have forgotten the 50 lb of feed on my shoulder. That has been flung I must say in a beautiful circle pattern around me and a good 25 lbs or so are also now in my lap and down my clothing in the kiddie pool I now rest in. So many questions invade my mind as I marinate in warm, dirty duck water. With pieces of corn and seed bobbing all around me. What in the heck was that? And did I step on anyone? I am looking all around to try and find the furry flying ninja and also wanting to fend off any other surprise attacks. Now I have had this feeding system for three years. And have NEVER had a single issue with it.  Not one.Guess what attempted to attack me! A freaking Squirrel. Yep. That furry heart attack had let himself in, through one of the PVC pipes and was just feasting out. As I sit in my own stew I see that little sucker just sitting on the fence. I swear it smiled.  Yeah smile again sucker. Cocky little thing. And during this entire attack. Guess who comes to the rescue. NO one. These sticking chickens and ducks are just munching away on the now flung feed all around them. I think they thought they received a surprise. Nope jokes on me. I got a Surprise. Now that my sucky day has ended with such excitement and extreme saturation.  I will remove myself from this lovely warm duck corn stew and call it a day. 

So there is an intruder on our property. Now let me start off by saying I am brave. I am. I know you can hear the small doubt in my voice but it’s true I am brave. I can save kittens stuck under the bed. I can save a butterfly that fell into a pool. I am brave with those types of things. Now much else and well let’s just say you might want to call someone else for your safety. I might run away. I mean I will try to throw something as I am running away. So yes there is that. So now that that is settled and we all understand. I can continue. So we have a small farm. We have ducks, chickens, pigs, and a bunny named Templeton. And I really love my animals. I have chased away a stray cat or two. And I even had to run off a dog before. My property is really secure. We spent four months building a 6ft privacy fence around the entire back yard to make sure it was safe from predators. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. To this day there are several body parts that don’t work correctly and others have just given up. There are times I will be doing something, anything you know just whatever and all of the sudden my hand just stops. Like really. I guess it’s not over the trauma of using the rock buster thing that tried to take me out many times. It thinks I don’t know. Yeah! I see you. Definitely not a team player.  We have SO many rocks. It was ridiculous. And the abuse from the hammer of death. That thing could not hit a thing other that my own stinking hand. And obviously that has not been forgotten. I seriously have to give body parts pep talks every morning. I am like ok leg, I know your tired and sore, we are all buddy. But you got this. And arm, Arm you can do it. Just stretch it out. My back yes that stubborn thing just does not listen. We are constantly arguing. I am like ok I am picking up this bag of feed and its like OH no your not Susan. Ok Back My name is Mandy not Susan no need to get an attitude. I will be walking and my legs with start to do that death rattle. You know when they start to shake and you are not sure if you are going to run, fall, or pee all over. I just sit down and once again. Give them a talking too. My body always tries to mess with me. I am at the point I even try dickering with it. Like ok. Lets get all the chores completed with me in a upright standing position. And I will give you a bubble bath. Now that works some days. But not always. I am just saying the older I am getting the more I seem to have to have these therapy sessions with my own sticking body parts. I thought they were MINE and they would do what I told them to do. Umm. Yep that joke was on me. If they don’t want too it ain’t happening. So anyway I know I went off on a tangent just then, but really what else do you have to do. We are all kinda stuck. So ramble is what ya got! Now back to what happened. If any of you follow our lives or my other adventures and you can see those at my Instagram page Heart N Soil Farm you will know that Rob (hubby) and I work schedules that cross each other. So he goes to bed way earlier than I do. So I had just finished cleaning the kitchen. MY daughter was at work  and was due home in about an hour. It was around 7:45PM so it was dark but had just a little very little light so that you could kinda still see. Rob was in bed sleeping. And as I am just giving the counter a final wipe down. I happen to glace up and look out my kitchen window. Wait. What is that. Is something up near the animals? I am leaning in stepping on my tip toes trying to get a good look. Is that a person? Holy Crap. I think that is a person. How did they get into they yard? All the gates are locked. Did they jump the fence. And just GREAT I still have to put the animals away. What do I do. I really do not want to wake up hubby. He has to go to work in just a few hours. I look out the window again. OMG GUYS it just moved! Yep Someone is up there. I saw movement. Do I call 911. No. Not yet. Do I just shoot at them! Really Mandy who are you Wild Earp. Like a gun slinging farmer in Leggings. And pink chicken farm boots. OK Let me think this through. I have to go up there. I mean they are trespassing. Maybe if I just stick my head out the door and yell. That might shoo them away. So here I go. I open the back door step out and yell ” You better get out of here. I have a gun.” Now time has passed and it is now dark. And I cannot see anything really. Now if I go up there I do have motion lights that will kick on. But that means I HAVE to go up there. And I did not see any rush of movement or anyone jumping over the fence. So now what! Ok I have another plan. So we have a 150 lbs Alaskan Husky/Malamute. So I am taking him with me. We are going to protect our property! I go and get changed all in black. I am going to be a ninja in hiding and creep up on this intruder. I am stealth. I get my phone, in case I do have to call for back-up. I do bring my 9mm but it is safety in its holster. Just in case. I have my flashlight. Ok time to approach the intruder. I grab the dog. And this makes me feel a little bit safer. This dog better do his job. I am just following him. He better eat whoever is up there. I am not even off the porch and I am jumpy. Let’s go Nanook (my dogs name) we got this. So we step into the yard. And this dog! I am doomed the very 1st thing he needs to a pee break. Like really Nanook we are on a dangerous mission. Ok. Well No Problem I will just wait. While the killer is just standing up there watching us. Are you done! Can we continue. So we start up on the side. I am trying to listen. But I can’t hear anything that sounds out of place other than my labored heavy panic breathing and my heart beating out of my chest and the stinking dog smelling everything we walk by. He is even taking breaks. He is so fired after this. I thought I saw the intruder on the right side of the barn. I am creeping up on the left side. Just as I pass the left side the motion lights kick on. This makes me instantly feel better I can see. Still no movement nothing darting away. Something is not right. I know for 100% I saw a figure. But why is it not running away. OMG it might really want to kill me. And here is this dog not a care in the world. Some protector. I am actually shaking a bit now. My hands are getting clammy. I get around to the other side of the bard and I see something move. I STOP dead in my tracks. It’s like a stand off. I cannot even speak yet. I have a bit of fright stuck in my throat. And all of the sudden the dog without a care in the world playing with leaves, darts over there. And is just running around it. Once again just smelling. But nothing moving. What is going on? I turn on my flashlight since the spot light is not really shining over there very well. And I start walking slowly over toward the dog. And for the love of god as I get closer. Do you know who it is! I am just telling you now I said about 300 very choice words. I mean I conquered my fear, dressed like an assassin ninja and brought my killer dog all of this and for  what…… A stinking scarecrow. Who in the hell put a scarecrow up here. And did not even tell me. I am so mad right now. I bet it was Rob. So not funny. Oh wait until he wakes up. This thing is coming with me. Yep. When hubby walks into the kitchen in a few hours get get his coffee and get ready for work as I am sleeping in bed. Mr. Scarecrow is going to be there in the kitchen to greet him. I bet he screams!

Ok. So I have come to the conclusion that farm life is trying to kill me. So Tennessee was hit by some severe storms this past few days and due to this we have had some serious damage to our trees. I am happy to report that the animals are all ok. All of our coops and shelters survived with very minimal wind damage. That being said our yard looks like the amazon forest floor. I literally need lumberjack gear just to walk across the yard. Tree limbs sticking out everywhere. It is like a live action jungle gym.  Can I step here without being shanked by a stick. Nope. Keep moving. Well we have actually had a break in the monsoon season and it actually stopped raining! I know I can’t believe it. I saw the sun. It was a glorious sight. By the way. That is gone now. It was only a short tease. So we decided to take advantage of this rare moment and get out there and pick up the limbs and branches. We designated a burn pile and started placing the limbs and branches into this pile. Now it was not a perfect fire pit. Just an area that was clear enough to make a space to start the fire. We are about three hours in, collecting and picking up the debris. I am not going to lie ya’ll. I am too old for this. My back is aching and legs are throbbing. Who knew bending over ten thousand times was so hard. Yeah I did. And it just sucks. At this point I am not sure I can stand up straight. With every bend over my body is cracking worse than these branches. Now, let me go back just a bit. Do you all know those absolute fantastic soft comfy fuzzy socks you wear in the winter. You know the ones that hug your feet and make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Yep those ones. Well It was just a bit chilly out in the morning when we started so I put those socks of comfort and goodness on to keep my feet warm and placed my mud boots on over those. Now it is not cold enough for me to wear jeans. I need flexibility with all of this movement I am doing. So I throw on a pair of leggings. You know the ones you should not wear in public but you do anyway. So we have made at least a million trips back and forth from various parts of the yard to the fire pit. Ok so maybe not a million but it is sure starting to feel like it. If you want to see the finished product check out my Instagram page at Heart N Soil Farm for pics. My husband Rob has been out there with me all morning. This is definitely a team event. Now let me point out we are in the front yard. And all of our neighbors have had the same idea to take advantage of this glorious day and get some yard work done. After a few more trips back and forth I feel a small sting on my leg. Just inside my boot down by my ankle. And of course my first thoughts are just great. Stinking ants. And the ants here. they do not play. They come packing with there own weapons. The will jack you up. And not think twice about it. So I am thinking they got me. So I start to swat at my boot. Now this is followed within seconds of extreme stings and burning. I mean seconds. And my leg is on fire with pain. 
I start jumping around and kicking off my boot. HOLY crap guys. I am really on friggin fire! Rob comes running toward me asking what is wrong. But I am in a full panic mode at this point and cannot talk. You remember those lovely socks I referenced to earlier. Those socks I spoke so highly of. They have now turned into socks of death. I am guessing that as I was throwing more limbs onto the pile that an ember flung out and of course for the first time in my life I got a hole in one. Well these socks were thick and I did not feel the burning flames of hell creeping up my leg. And now the socks have started to melt my leggings. They have turned into death traps.  I am screaming hitting at the socks and it is not working. The pain is starting to intensify. Dear sweet baby Jesus I am going to burn my leg off. Without thinking I am now ripping the socks off and ripping the leggings off. I am on the ground at this point. For god’s sake. I need to take the other boot off to get these off my body. Here I am rolling around on the ground trying to tear my pants off to free my body from the fire. I finally get free and am checking on my leg to see the damage. I already have blisters starting. And as I finally look up my husband is standing there mouth open just looking at me and not believing what he had just witnessed. And says you were on fire! Well no kidding Nancy Drew. And at this time I realize I am practically naked from the waist down. Mud and dirt all over my butt and legs. Neighbors are literally standing in there yards looking at us. I can only imagine what they are thinking. As I stand up Rob goes to hand me his jacket. And I look around and say nope! They got a show let’s finish it. And I walk ,half limp into the house to tend to my leg. Dirt butt in full view!Today’s lesson. Fuzzy socks tried to kill me! 

All I can say is farm life keeps me on my toes! So do you know those crazy people who go to the grocery store and absolutely will only make one trip. I mean the crazy people who will risk amputation to limbs due to lack of blood supply from carrying 47 bags. Well my name is Mandy and Yes, I am one of those crazies. And this unfortunately plays a role in what happened next!So for two months it has rained here in Tennessee. I am not talking sprinkling. No I am talking full on Noah’s Ark rain. Forrest Gump rain. With no end in site. I now dress for work to match my floaties! I don’t even remember what regular shoes feel like. Rain and mud boots are my permanent attire. But today! Oh today, something magical happened. The sun came out. Oh the sun. How I missed your beautiful warmth. Never leave me again. I even had a short conversation with the sun. I pleaded with her to stop fighting with winter over custody! I choose you! So since we had a break from the rain. And I can’t believe it, it is 50 degrees outside. I am so excited! I have so many projects I am going to tackle.  I even made a list. With all my giddiness I am afraid I might forgot, so I better write it down. So back in October yes I said October. I started painting my chicken coops. We built a barn over the summer and I wanted all the coops to match. The barn is bright RED.  If you go to my Instagram page Heart N Soil. You can see the barn that almost killed us over the summer. So I am getting all of my supplies ready. I get the paint. And I open the lid that way I do not have to do it up at the coop. I get my brushes and paint tray. I also remember I need to add some wood chip shaving to the big coop. During the winter OK wait, We have not had much of a winter in Tennessee so now I am saying during the Monsoon season. I do the deep bed method in my coops. So I go ahead and grab the mulch! This should be interesting. So here I go carrying way too many things but refusing to make more than one trip. I mean I am acting like I am climbing Mt.Everest and not returning for months. And I am just walking to the back yard. Boy or Boy will I ever learn. That is still to be determined. Like I said earlier. I would rather lose blood flow than make two trips. As I am walking up to the coop I am in just pure joy mode! The sun is out! The sky is blue. Oh what a beautiful day. I am humming a little tune in my head. I just love this day! I feel fantastic! Nothing can shake my mood! I am going to be so productive today! Just trucking along with a pep in my step. Ok so not so much a pep as a heavy drag walk, everything I have in my hands is really starting to get heavy. But I got this! I am so close to the coop. Just a little further. Power through girl. use those muscles. And as I go to step over our premier one electric fence. BAM! Holy mother of GOD. In my excitement to start this beautiful day and in my rush, I have forgotten the most important thing! I did not turn off the fence. Now let me just say. Have you ever been zapped between the legs. The pain. I have one leg over and was getting ready to pull the other leg and BOOM shocked to the very core of my soul. I am trying desperately to get my butt of this fence. And to get the shocks from penetrating my body. And to stop peeing on myself. And of course with everything in my hands and not being balanced down I go. The fence is caught on my thigh. I am now crawling to get away. Everything has gone flying. I am on my knees at this point still shaking from the repeated shocks to my nether areas! Oh God. I think I broke it. Is it supposed to still be pulsating. As I crawl to safety I now realize the damage that has insured. As I look up from my half kneed fetal position ya’ll it looks like a scene from CSI or Dexter! That red paint that  I decided was a good idea to open back at the house YEP! not smart. Has dumped and spattered all over the place. What did I do! And of course here comes the little Velociraptor chickens. Now I am in full panic mode. Still unable to stand up straight I am lunging, kicking, screaming. I am pulling out the best ninja moves I can come up with to keep these nosey birdzillas from getting into the paint. This is not happening! So NOW I am literally scratching  at the ground with my hands trying desperately to get  as much paint as I can either back into the can or paint tray. I do not know if it is toxic to my birds and I am not interested in finding out. So here I am on my hands and knees scratching and scraping the ground getting the occasional jolt to my body. Kicking and yelling at the chickens to stay away, and do they listen! No of course not. It’s like they are trying even harder to get to the paint. I even threw the wood chips at them! Stay away! I am trying to make sure you do not get poisoned. These frickin birds want to die! They are ganging up on me. Testing my weak spots. I am out numbered. I get as much paint as I can. I mean I have dug into the dirt a good inch. And I run to get the sand we keep in the coop to cover the rest. Seriously I was gone for 20 seconds! 20 Seconds! As I sprint back to the scene of the crime of course several have red paint on there feet. I throw the sand over what is left and now I am chasing these suckers around trying to catch them to get the paint off of them. I swear chickens can run. I am out of breath covered in paint It looks like I just committed a murder and as I look down at my hands I have chicken and duck poop all over me and in my fingernails. That’s it! That was the straw. I stop my pursuit of the chickens. They will just have to have pretty red feet! I am done! Now as I limp to the house out of breath covered in red paint and chicken poop I am going to the shower. No more projects for me today! I need to go check my legs for electric shock marks! All I can say is my mood has now changed.And I have to get new paint. 

So ya’ll this is the story of how Mr. Bullet my 70 lbs potbelly pig came to live with us. So a friend of ours. His name is Jeff. His daughter works at a vet. So he calls me and says, Mandy I know you have animals on your farm. He does not have animals. And his daughter just called him all upset because someone has brought in this pig to be euthanized because they cannot keep him anymore. And she is so upset. She wants to save this pigs life. So my first question is what kind of pig? Oh it’s just a cute little potbelly. Now ya’ll remember that LITTLE. LOL. Now it’s important for everyone to know I did not currently have any pigs. NOPE. But all I hear is cute little potbelly and I am sold. I was picturing this little precious pig that needed to be saved and loved. Here I am buddy. Your rescuer. I will love you and cuddle you. Oh I was giddy. So of course I say YES. Bring him here. Now I did not tell hubby I was doing this. I was just like he is going to love him. He is going to be just a cute peanut. HA!So Jeff tells me he will be here in about an hour. So I turn into a ninja and start throwing together this little pen he can stay in. You know just something temporary.  I used chicken wire. Boy of Boy. Yep thats not going to work. Now I am so proud of the temporary shelter. Yep. Walking around patting myself on the back. I’m a farmer ya’ll. I built a pig pen in 30 minutes. I am unstoppable. I am not even going to try to hide it, I was cocky.  I am going to have a pig. I am ready. 
Now hubby was in the house taking a nap. He works 3rd shift and had NO idea what his bob the builder wife was up too. So Jeff pulls up to the house. I am literally jumping up and down like a kid at the ice cream truck. I just kept saying where is he where is he. Well Mr. Pig was in the back of the truck in a large dog cage that was covered up. My first thought was god that is a really big cage. WOW. But maybe that is all they had. So as I danced my way to the back of the truck. They uncover the cage. HOLY MOTHER OF PIGS. I stop dead in my tracks. I mean dead stop. Pulled the E-Brake. It takes a few seconds for me to process what I am seeing. Now have you ever watched the discovery channel and you see those crazy wild boars trying to attack and kill people. YEP ladies and gentleman. This crazy man has brought a crazy wild boar to my house to kill me. All that can escape my lips are what is that? I mean seriously what is that? That is not the cute cuddly LITTLE potbelly you described. This is from the Mountains of the jungle and is ready to attack. Are you serious! It has Tusk! Not teeth TUSK! OMG my husband is going to kill me. If this pig doesn’t. He is going to FREAK out. My god. I am freaking out. This pig is HUGE. So Jeff explains that he was told incorrect information. YOU THINK! And that he did not know until he arrived to pick up the pig. DUDE. He goes on to explain that this gigantic bacon killer was a pet and that he became to big and the person could no longer keep him. So was taking him to the vet. And that he was a super nice PIG. Obviously his listening skills are compromised so I am not believing him. Oh god. What do I do. I can’t keep him. But I don’t want him to die. At least not yet. This is not happening. He has unloaded the dog crate and this pig has a leash. So he walks on a leash. Ok maybe this will not be so bad. So he puts this leash on this pig and attempts to escort him to the pig pen that will obviously NOT work. That was for a cute cuddly potbelly. This pig is Pumbaa from The Lion King. That lives with LIONS!  He even has a Mohawk. A Mohawk. That means he is a bad ass. So Jeff gets about 3 steps when this pig goes crazy! Thrashing around pulling Jeff all over the place. Swinging his body around like he is spaghetti. OH Crap! At this point I am screaming and running away. Jeff is yelling. I run and grab the cage. The pig will not go back in the cage. This is horrible. I am going to be mauled by a pig. Finally this squealing meat brick calms down. I run and get an apple and we are able to get him back in the cage. We pick up the cage. Groaning the entire time. This pig is sticking heavy. What am I thinking. What am I doing. I am way out of my element. We are able to get the cage inside the baby pig pen. Yep! Hubby is going to kill me. Now just so you know this entire time I am yelling and using language I will not share with you all. Asking him what he was thinking of bringing that beast here. I can’t keep this. I have never cared for a pig. Let alone a Lion King Pig. He tells me he can’t take it back. So this entire process about an hour has passed. So the Lion King Pig is in the “yeah not going to hold me” pen. He is breathing hard and the poor buddy looks scared to death. HE looks scared. I AM scared. So I go and get some fruits and water from the house. I tell Jeff let me go in by myself. And I go into the pen with this pig. Now I am scared. knees wobbling, hands shaking. I see this poor buddy shaking himself. And my heart just goes out to him. He has no idea what is happening. So I go in and open the dog cage. I sit on the ground in front of him. I offer the water and fruit to him. And this poor Lion King Pig walks out and ever so gently takes the fruit from my hand. And drinks the water. Now he is very skittish and do not worry I absolutely do not trust this pig and there is no way I am turning by back toward him. But in that moment. I can’t explain it. And ya’ll might think I am crazy. But I just knew. I knew he was a good boy. I could just sense it. His eyes had such emotion. I know I know sounds crazy. But I knew! Holy CRAP! I forgot about hubby. I look up and he is walking toward the back yard. Oh god. He is going to freak out. Jeff comes up to the pen and says, Ok well I am leaving. OH NO YOUR NOT! You got me into this you are facing hubby with me! So Rob (hubby) gets closer and closer. And I can see he is not sure what is going on. And just when he sees the pig. Well words were said… Lots and Lots of words. For about 20 minutes. Lots of stomping around and pacing back and forth and pointing at the pig. And here I am just 15 minutes prior scared to death. Now pleading and begging. Please please let’s keep him. Let’s just do a trial to see how he does. He just keeps saying, do you see how big he is. He’s really big. Well ya’ll I have the BEST husband. He Let’s the pig stay. And all three of us start to build a real pig pen that will hold him. I am happy to report that we have had Mr. Bullet for almost a year! He is the stud of the farm. He has the best personality and has always been so gently with us. He has NEVER be aggressive. And we are all just smitten with him. He is our buddy. And this is his forever home! And I will NEVER say YES to Jeff again! And if you were interested in what breed he is, he is a Japanese Pot Belly and if I am being honest he weights closer to 90 lbs. He is very spoiled and very loved.. Welcome home Buddy!